As Only a Child Can
by Rabbi Mordechai Rhine
The primary mitzvah of the night of the Seder is to communicate the story of the Exodus to the next generation. But in Jewish tradition it is understood that this will not be accomplished by being preachy. Instead a dialogue is created in which the “child of the Hagadah,” the Jewish child of eternity, asks the four questions and receives a response to his questions.
The tone of the Seder is warm and engaging. It is the tone of a father and his son discussing a topic of mutual interest. Together the explore life, one with the wisdom of life experience, and one with the energy and exuberance of youth.
A highlight of the Hagadah is the presentation of the four sons. On this night we are willing to discuss things that we never discussed before. Plainly and openly, as only a child could, perspectives are explored with remarkable candor.
The learned child asks about the legalities. The father surely compliments him on his knowledge, but reminds him that there is “no dessert after the mitzvah.” The implication is that “the mitzvah is the dessert,” a welcome reminder to not only fulfill the technicalities of the mitzvah but also to enjoy and savor the mitzvah.
The “wicked” son feels like an outsider at the Seder. He came to the Seder but feels that he does not belong. His feelings are expressions of self fulfilling prophecies. If he views himself as an outsider he will remain an outsider. “Blunt his sharpness,” the Hagadah advises. Tell him not to view himself so harshly. Torah belongs to him too. Let him participate; permit and encourage him to bask in the warmth of the Hagadah.
The “simple” son wonders, “What for?” Why bother with all this. Remind him that although today we are not blessed with open miracles, nevertheless, the same G-d that took us out in strength years ago, is the same G-d of today. Torah is about retaining a relationship with him, even if today we are distant and we only see His hand in hidden miracles.
Ultimately, the goal is to dialogue with even the “child who can’t be reached”. On this night, as only a father can, we reach out in open conversation, explaining why Torah is so important to us, and the wondrous role that Hashem plays in our lives. Share the legacy; and listen as only a parent can.
On this night the child gets to ask questions. Trust me. There are many more that four questions that may need to be asked. And it may be more than just the children who have questions. Ask and answer. Answer and listen. Listen, and you will heard. On the night of the Seder the door is opened wide.
© 2016 by TEACH613™
Rabbi Rhine,
Thank you for the beautiful Dvar Torah. Rav Miller zt”l made an interesting point (in the name of the Malbim) which relates to what you are saying. We certainly do (or should) view our children as the “wise son.” If so, why does the Hagaddah prompt them to ask the four questions, which seem to be questions a simple person would ask? He answers that the mere fact that a child wants to learn from an adult is itself a sign of wisdom. He said that wisdom is not knowledge, but rather the desire to know.
The only question I had on your dvar torah was: Why are we telling the Rasha that if he would have been there he would not have been redeemed? Isn’t that going to turn him off?
Kol Tov
S.Ch.
Hi R’ Shays,
Hope yom tov went well.
Thank you for your comments.
Regarding the question of turning off the Rasha, please consider our approach
“His feelings are expressions of self fulfilling prophecies. If he views himself as an outsider he will remain an outsider. “Blunt his sharpness,” the Hagadah advises. Tell him not to view himself so harshly. Torah belongs to him too. Let him participate; permit and encourage him to bask in the warmth of the Hagadah.”
based on the possuk in Koheles 10:10.
Best wishes,
RMR