Upon Waters of Peace

by Rabbi Mordechai Rhine

The Kohein had been asked to do the unthinkable. He looked up with shock at his mentor who had given him the directive. “To erase G-d’s holy name into the water.” The Kohein waited for some clarification. Perhaps he had heard wrong or misunderstood. But, no. His mentor nodded firmly in the affirmative. This was the mitzvah. “Erase G-d’s holy name into the water.” And so the Kohein dutifully obeyed.

The Kohein of our little story is not alone is his surprise. The Talmud too wonders why G-d would have his name erased, an act that would normally be considered a forbidden act of disgrace. The Talmud explains that it is a unique mitzva for the case of Sotah, the woman who compromised her reputation by going privately with a man, after her husband warned her not to be alone with that man. Now her marriage was in jeopardy.  Hashem says, “Erase my holy name into the water to try to restore peace between husband and wife.”

Reading the story of the Sotah one might get the idea that the name of G-d is erased to give the water its potency. When the woman suspected of immoral conduct will drink it, if she is guilty, it will affect her like a poison, and she will die. But the Talmud doesn’t see the mitzva to erase G-d’s name as needed for retribution. Hashem can have the water do its work even without the erasing of His name. The tradition is clear. The erasing is to restore peace between husband and wife. The erasing is being done for the woman who is innocent, the woman who will live even after drinking the water. It will prove her innocence and restore peace in the home.

One might have expected a more passive position be taken regarding this couple. Their marriage is a bit rocky. He forbade her; she disobeyed. Why not let them wallow in their own mess? Yet, at this very juncture G-d steps in and says, “I value their marriage. I would like to restore peace. This is so important to Me that I am willing to undergo disgrace to try.” Perhaps when this couple sees how committed G-d is to try to restore peace, they too might become a little more giving and willing to swallow a perceived insult or indiscretion.

The lesson of the Sotah is not really about the sinful woman. The lesson of Sotah is about how much Hashem values even a rocky marriage. Hashem takes a vested interest in restoring peace, and so should we.

Interestingly, the Talmud doesn’t wait for dramatic cases of Sotah to implement this lesson. The Talmud (Eiruvin 63) writes that, “It is prohibited to hang out where a husband and wife are trying to get some quiet time together, even if she is a Niddah.” The phrase, “Even if she is a Niddah,” indicates that this has nothing to do with infringing on private time. It is referring simply to the chit-chat of husband and wife, a conversation that probably goes something like this:

“So, Shprintza, how was your day?”

“Oh, pretty good. But the pea soup burned.”

He listens as she talks, and he talks and she listens. They have a conversation. And the Talmud prohibits us from infringing, because that conversation increases their emotional closeness with each other. It promotes marital peace, and is therefore sacred.

So, we see that G-d has a special interest in restoring peace in a marriage. “It is worth it – to promote a marriage- even if it means to suffer a disgrace.” And we see that the Talmud warns us not to infringe on the private time of a husband and wife, because that simple conversation bonds them and promotes their marriage. What is left is for us, in marriage, to take the lessons to heart. “It is worth it – to promote my own marriage- even if it means to suffer a disgrace.” And the friendly conversation that does not seem important at all, is actually most valuable. Because promoting peace in marriage- including your own-  is important.

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