“Where is Sarah, your wife?”

by Rabbi Mordechai Rhine

The angels came to Avraham on a mission. They were to inform Avraham that he and Sarah would have the child of their dreams. Avraham and Sarah didn’t know that the guests were angels, and they served them food in a most generous way. After eating, it was time to announce the news that the angels came to deliver. But before the angel made the announcement, the angel adds a bit of a preamble.

The angel said, “Where is Sarah, your wife?”

Avraham answered, “She is in the tent.”

The angel then got to the point and said, “By next year Sarah will have a son.”

The question, “Where is Sarah, your wife?” was not asked in order to call her to come and listen. The Torah records that Sarah heard this dialogue as an eavesdropper, from behind the door. The question “Where is Sarah, your wife?” seems to be an unnecessary preamble to the announcement. Why does the Torah record this snippet of conversation?

The Talmud tells us that when a guest arises to speak, he is obligated to begin by honoring the host and acknowledging his hospitality. In this vein, when the angel was ready to make his announcement, he first had to acknowledge the awesome hospitality that his hosts had bestowed upon him.

In some cases, it is necessary for a guest to mention specific benefits that were bestowed upon him. For example, if he was picked up at the airport, then he should mention his appreciation in his introductory remarks. In the case of the angel, however, there was no need to acknowledge specifics. The angel’s pleased expression bespoke the wonderful care that was bestowed upon him, and his awesome sense of appreciation. All that was left was to identify the source of the benevolence. With that in mind the angel simply confirms, “Where is Sarah, your wife? I surmise that she is chef, and the source of these generous helpings of delectable food.” Avraham modestly confirms the angel’s comment, “Indeed, Sarah is in the tent. The entire meal is a credit to her.”

Often in life we only take note of the people who are in the spotlight. We forget that the vast majority of effort in any endeavor is done behind the scenes. The Torah records this snippet of conversation to convey an important message. Besides thanking the people in the spotlight for their great performance, we must take a moment to acknowledge that it is the people backstage that make every endeavor a success.

This message certainly applies to a spouse and to a close associate. But, by extension, it applies to every person that we interact with. Every person who does their job with dedication deserves acknowledgement for their role in achieving success.

I am reminded of a chemistry professor who gave a final exam that had ten questions. The first nine questions pertained to the material. The tenth question was, “What is the name of the custodian?”

Although a few of the students knew the answer, most of the students complained that such a question, if included, should have been a cute extra credit. “There is no reason for that to account for one tenth of the grade,” they argued.

But the professor stuck to his position and explained, “The custodian sets up the lab for us, and accommodates all of our special requests. Knowing his name is not extra credit. Knowing his name is a basic interpersonal skill of appreciation, and is relevant to your competency in every field.”

As you sit down this week to the Shabbos dinner, don’t just note the beauty of the Shabbos table. Take a moment to acknowledge the source of that benevolence. Parents and children, husbands and wives, all have a role in the successful Jewish home. Take a moment to acknowledge and confirm that which we already know. There was much effort expended behind the scenes to bring us to this precious moment. Let us now take a moment to say, “Thank you.”

With best wishes for a wonderful Shabbos.

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