By Rabbi Mordechai Rhine

This article was originally written for the Vaad of Greater Washington Pesach Bulletin

For the PDF version please click here

When I was growing up in Monsey, NY, I knew a good-natured gentleman who was a community activist in Jewish education. American-born, he had learned in the Lithuanian-style yeshivos in his youth. His task, as he saw it, was to build a bridge for Jewish tradition to the contemporary generation. He once said to me, “I wish I could bottle Yiras Shomayim, tradition, and inspirational Judaism, all in one little bottle, and then give such a bottle to every Jewish child.” He said it wistfully, half joking, because he knew that transmitting Torah values isn’t quite that simple. But the truth is that this is precisely what the Haggadah of Pesach strives to do. It encapsulates so many of the values of Torah Judaism into one annual experience.

Many of us enter Pesach with total devotion and meaning well. We truly want to observe everything that is asked of us, and to experience Pesach to its fullest. Yet, if a person misses certain critical subtleties, the experience can be less than inspirational. Many people will never realize what they missed because ritual, nostalgia, family time, and tradition are so powerful that we might not realize that there is something more. Yet, if we take the time to focus properly on the goals of the Pesach Seder, it can literally be a game-changer towards meaningful Torah living for ourselves and our children.

Following are some suggestions to help us focus effectively during the holiday season.

In Preparation

The first refocus that I recommend is to realize that while cleaning, shopping, and kashering are significant endeavors, they are only setting the stage for the grand event called the Pesach Seder. As such, we want to make sure that we pace ourselves while we set the stage so that we do not arrive at the grand performance (the Seder) without the energy and inspiration to conduct it properly. For example, a clear distinction must be made between the way the kitchen and food preparation area is cleaned, and the way the rest of the house must be checked for chometz. In the food preparation area we are concerned that a crumb might make its way into the food from a counter or cabinet area. In the rest of the house, where things do not generally come in contact with the food we are preparing, we clean because we are concerned that someone will forget it is Pesach and accidently put a palatable piece of chometz that they find into their mouth. It is therefore not at all necessary to scrub the bedroom area in the manner reserved for the kitchen.

Rav Scheinberg observed that in times of old, people either lived in simple, small homes, or, if they lived in mansions they had servants to help them clean. Our generation is blessed with homes that have many rooms, but without the benefit of “many servants” to help us clean. We need to recognize this, and focus on what is truly required.

Similarly, in the kitchen it is wise to take advantage of shortcuts when applicable. Areas that can be covered properly need not be endlessly scrubbed. Also, using a caustic cleanser is Halachically significant as it shows that you no longer view the residue as food-grade substance, thus resulting in a Halachic “Bitul,” or nullification. It is worth noting that people traditionally found kashering to be overwhelming. In most communities a central kashering area was available (with the Rabbi present to make it easy to ask questions) so that people would not have to become the experts that a proper kashering may require. In our time we do not tend to do so much kashering of silverware, pots and utensils. But the items that we do kasher (sink, stove, oven, and sometimes countertops) can be equally overwhelming. Recognize that this feeling is normal, and do not be hesitant to tap in to your best resources- your spiritual mentor, and Rabbinic authority- even if you are just calling for an encouraging word.

Preparing for the Seder

In some homes there may be a feeling that the children have been so well taught in school that the parents have nothing to add. This may be true scholastically. The children may know the Midrashim quite well, and may actually know more information than the parents do. But the purpose of the Pesach Seder is not just to exchange information. It is reassuring to realize that the purpose of the Seder is to take the knowledge and information and raise it to the level of life experience. It is in this area that parents should excel, in recognizing the eternal message of the Haggadah and the destiny of the Jewish people.

One of the most beautiful customs of Pesach is to actually dramatize the events of the Exodus. This can be done on the eve before the Seder or as the Seder begins. Visualize yourself at the Exodus. The Haggadah tells us, “In every generation a person is obligated to view himself as if he was personally redeemed from Egypt.”

Some Sephardic families have the custom to assign participants to role-play the Jews of the time. The designated participants walk into the room where the Seder takes place and declare, “We come from Egypt where we worked as slaves. We are on our way to Eretz Yisroel.” The resulting excitement resonates a sense of personal redemption.

There are a number of ways that you can prepare well before Pesach and thereby create a more satisfying experience. Realize that when people focus too much on the technicalities of a mitzvah they are often unable to take the mitzvah to the next level and experience its message. One example is relevant to those who use romaine lettuce leaves as Marror. Often, when people distribute the portions of Marror leaves, they place most of their focus on whether they have sufficiently covered the shaded area of the special “portion sheets”. It is true that in Torah-true observant Judaism it is important to have a portion (just as in any system such as cooking, baking, or pharmacology, there is a definition of what a portion is). But we must remember that doling out the portion is not the actual mitzvah and should not receive our primary focus on Seder night. Instead acquaint yourself before Pesach with what a portion looks and feels like. You can do this by taking romaine lettuce before Pesach, and practicing with a measuring cup to see how many leaves it takes to displace one fluid ounce of water (which is, according to many authorities, the amount of a portion- a Kezayis). By the time the Seder comes you will know by feel what is meant when we say 2-4 leaves is a portion. If you are proficient in the portions, you can proceed with confidence, focusing on the joy of doing the mitzvah as a family, and remembering that “we once had it bitter, but Hashem made us free.”

Another area that could use refocus is the mistaken belief that every sentence of the Hagaddah must be said by all and that every Torah thought in the children’s notebooks must be shared. Certainly we would like every part of the Haggadah to be recited, at least by a leader. The Haggadah may be recited in English if that would make the Seder more meaningful. But ultimately the Seder is not about reciting text. The Seder is about communicating the message that we were once slaves, and were redeemed by Hashem for a great purpose. Instead of expecting each child to finish all that is in their packet, you might meet with each child beforehand and choose a specific thought that they can be called upon to contribute. Giving each participant several moments in the limelight can show how much you value each person’s contribution.

The Seder Experience

The Pesach Seder is meant to be transformational. This is reflected in the song, “Who knows One?” which is sung at the end of the Seder. At first glance it looks like a nursery rhyme. Yet this is one of the concluding statements of the Seder because it captures the goal of the Seder in a very profound way. When we started- i.e. before we were influenced by the message of Torah- the number “One” would most likely be associated with the perspective of “I am Numero Uno,” a person focused on his or her own self interests. By the time we are done with the Seder we hope that the instictive reaction to “Who Knows One?” has changed. “One is Hashem,” we declare. Our hope is to focus on the fact that we are living from Hashem’s blessing. We hope that we will remember the lessons of the Haggadah such as, “All who are needy can come and eat,” and incorporate them into our lives.

I find that a good way to keep people’s attention at the Seder is to acknowledge contributory remarks from the participants with some sort of “reward.” I like to do this by purchasing inexpensive prizes before Pesach and having enough age appropriate items so that I can give something to each person who contributes a question, answer, or observation at our Seder. In past years I have purchased Rebbe Cards, Emergency Vehicle Cards, and other small and big items which I used to recognize the participation of young and old. A great adaptation of this idea is to print your own wallet sized cards containing pictures of landmarks, people, and family events which you think the family will find meaningful. (Photosheet is an example of a free computer program that is available to create a sheet of wallet sized pictures so that this Seder enhancement can be very affordable. You can e-mail me if you would like me to send you the program.) Also, giving a giant ball to zeide/sabbah, or a picture of a favorite dessert to the one in the family who made it, is endearing, bonding, and can set the tone for a precious Seder experience.

The Rambam writes that in his time they would set the table with plates, and then collect the plates, as if they changed their minds and decided not to eat. All this, the Rambam explains, is so that the children should ask questions. Questions are the building block of the educational experience, and the Seder is purposely built upon the model of Q and A. Remarkably, the Ma Nishtana contains 4 fundamental questions wondering whether this night is one of slavery (identified by bitter herbs and matzoh, made of the simplest of ingredients: flour and water) or is it a night of royalty (identified by dipping foods, and by reclining leisurely). These questions serve as the perfect lead-in to the theme of the night: “We were once slaves, but on this night Hashem set us free.”

Interestingly, only two of the four questions are formally answered by the Haggadah. The message of the Seder is to support the awareness that questions are good. Some questions we can answer now, while other questions will have to wait for later. The main thing is that you should keep thinking, and keep asking.

A Few Insights

The Pesach Seder is an opportunity to convey your core values to your family. These are the values that you think will stand them well in good times and in difficult ones. Take some time before the Seder to consider what values you would like to impart. At the Seder there is no need to be preachy. People are generally attentive and ready to hear what you would like to share. I find that in a critical sentence or two you can share the insights that can make all the difference in a person’s life.

Following Kiddush, the Seder begins with what looks like we are washing to begin the meal, but instead we only have a bit of vegetable dipped in salt-water. Although you may have done this for many years, if you approach the Seder with a fresh look you will probably consider the vegetables dipped in salt-water and exclaim, “Some meal!” Indeed there is a very profound message in this meal before the meal. Sometimes in life a person doesn’t have the solution to his or her problems or even the provisions needed to attempt a solution. Even the little that they have is “dipped in salt-water” representing tears. But a vegetable represents hope. A vegetable is a food that starts in the dirt but eventually grows and ascends to end up on the greatest of tables. Similarly, if a person has hope, even if it is dipped in tears, they can proceed knowing that there eventually will be a royal feast to enjoy. This was the situation of the Jews in Egypt who were promised eventual redemption, and this is the situation of people in every generation as they deal with difficult times.

This year in particular has been a challenging one for the Jewish people and for the free world in general. We confront a movement of violence that is striving to attain legitimacy. A significant goal of the Seder is to help us recognize that as Jews, we have been in tough situations before. Appreciating strategies of success can help us pull through in difficult times. Remember, for example, that as Yakov entered the exile of Mitzrayim he directed the establishment of a yeshiva, because that is a source of strength for the Jewish family (Rashi, Bireishis 46:28). Likewise, let us remind ourselves that the salvation began earlier than its destined time because the Jews prayed fervently (Shimos 2:23-25). Also, “In the merit of the righteous women we were saved” (Talmud, Sota 11b), as they held firmly to the belief that there would be a redemption. Perhaps most important is to impart the awareness that even in difficult times, Hashem loves us, and as His children it is most important that we stick together. Remembering these important principles of prayer, love, and Jewish destiny can provide the inspiration that we need at this time for ourselves and for our children.

Each year I fondly point out that the Haggadah includes in its Seder all types of Jews. There are proverbially 4 sons: The wise, the wicked, the simple, and the one who just doesn’t know. Although they are often depicted with pictures that seem to indicate that the last two depend on age, in reality they can well be understood as referring to attitudes in the Jewish community. There are those who are wise and comfortable with religious observance, while others are antagonistic. Others wonder about Jewish observance and destiny in very simple terms, while others don’t even know how to express their questions. Indeed some people may come to the Seder with questions or doubts. But they come. The Haggadah includes us all… recognizing that a Jew can be counted “in” as long as he or she would like to be counted “in”.

Another important feature of the Haggadah is Dayeinu. In it we emphasize that although Hashem has done so much for us, it is worth itemizing each blessing and being appreciative for it. This is a precious trait to develop in all relationships. It will be especially important when children enter marriage relationships. If a person appreciates the individual blessings from Hashem, and from his/her parents, friends, and mentors, they will find it much easier and natural to appreciate a spouse, even when not everything seems to be just quite right.

I find it remarkable that the name of Moshe appears only once in the Haggadah. For all the impact that Moshe has on the Jewish People, and on the Exodus in particular, his name can only be found in the phrase, “And they believed in G-d, and in Moshe His servant.” Perhaps the message is that our greatest values are not in fame, fortune, or even leadership. Our greatest value is that a person served Hashem loyally. Ultimately it isn’t our profession or power that is praised, but rather our integrity and use of our blessings in the service of Hashem.

In Conclusion

One of the most moving moments for me is when we lift up the middle matzah in the beginning of the Seder and break it. In order to symbolize poverty we put the larger piece away for later. Most remarkable, however, is that even the piece that we keep we do not eat immediately. It is as if we are reliving the traumatized state that we were once in. The message we share with the participants is that “There were times that we couldn’t even bring ourselves to eat the portion designated for the here and now.” What is most wondrous is that from that wretched state emerged a proud, focused, and benevolent people. We are a People that knows that our mission is precious. We are a People that is willing to give its all to see to the fulfillment of its mission. The Pesach Seder is the little magic bottle that contains all the fundamentals for the Torah Jew. Let us savor the elixir it contains, and strive to create together a vibrant, proud, and inspired generation.

Rabbi Mordechai Rhine is the Rav of Southeast Hebrew Congregation- Knesset Yehoshua in Silver Spring, MD. and the Director of TEACH613, which promotes Torah and mitzvah education through classes and virtual media.

Rabbi Rhine’s “Take Ten for Talmud” ten minute audio program based on Daf Hayomi is available by free e-mail subscription. His book, “The Magic of Shabbos,” and the Perek Shirah Collection CD Series are available in Judaica stores, and through www.teach613.org. He can be contacted at RMRhine@gmail.com