The Relationship of a Lifetime

by Rabbi Mordechai Rhine

The Kohein/ Jewish priest was an important person in Jewish life. He was a mentor, a role model, and the one who brought the offerings in the Beis Hamikdash. A person was able, and encouraged, to develop a relationship with a Kohein. But for all the good that a Kohein could do, there was one thing that he could not. He could not attend a funeral.

The parsha tells us that except for especially close relatives, the Kohein was forbidden to enter a cemetery. Certainly he could provide his counsel before a tragedy and offer his condolences afterwards. But he could not officiate at a funeral. This, Rav Hirsch observes, guides a very special relationship between the Kohein and the people, the relationship of a lifetime.

Too often, people only turn to a religious mentor in times of death. It is then that they wish the mentor to “hold their hand”. There certainly were and are Rabbis who fill this role. But this was not the role of the Kohein. The Kohein was meant to be a life-oriented mentor.

One of the disappointing aspects of Jewish communal life is that there are many people who only join the community in times of death and sorrow… and for Yizkor. The result is that their experiences with religion are somber and often painful. There are Jews, for example, who join the Jewish community each year in time for the fast of Yom Kippur, but they leave before the festivities of Simchas Torah. Their impression of Judaism is not a complete one.

The role of the Kohein is such that people were encouraged to develop a relationship with him. But because he could not come to the cemetery, such a relationship would have to be forged during life oriented experiences. Only a person who connects with religion in times of life would merit a relationship with a Kohein.

I have a friend whose job, to teach Bar/Bat mitzvah lessons, is funded by a local Federation as a service to the community. He tells me that the culmination of the ceremony is saddest for him. After the festivities are over, and he is taking leave of the family, he hands the young adult his business card and says, “Please stay in touch. You can call me whenever you’d like, any time of night or day.”

I ask him why he finds that to be such a sad time in his life. He says, “Because I know that if they do call, it will only be if there is a death in the family. I wish relationships wouldn’t have to come to that.”

The parsha begins with such a powerful lesson. The Kohein is available to you as a friend, as a mentor, as a guide. But curiously, although he may be available day and night, 24/7, he is not available for funerals. Other Rabbis will be available for funerals. As for the Kohein, the message is clear: a relationship with the Kohein is intended to be a relationship of a lifetime.

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